So I haven’t posted in a while again.  Mostly because nothing is going on that I want to talk about.  Sean and I have had some problems in our relationship that we actually broke up over, and I moved out.  But, we’ve since reconciled and are dating again – albeit with a new anniversary date.  We aren’t going to throw away the 2 years we’ve spent together, so we’re working on our 3rd year together, we’ve just thrown out the 6 months where we weren’t getting along at all and were broken up off and on over.

As for my weight loss, well it’s stable and where I want it.  Last summer I went down to 135/140 lbs and was getting lots of comments on how I was looking sick.  I told my bariatric team I was worried and they were too, but the surgeon wasn’t and said I’d bounce back to a healthy weight soon – and sure enough I did.  I’m now holding steady around 160 lbs.  I fluctuate about 5-6 lbs up and down but for the most part I’m staying around 160 lbs. This is good – I’m looking and feeling quite healthy.

So yesterday I got the most amazing news.  News I’ve literally been waiting since I was 16 years old to hear… let me give you a background first, before I share the news.  When I was in high school I started putting on weight.  I’d always been a bit overweight, but I started changing shape in grade 9.  I noticed my tummy was growing but nothing else was.  By the time I was 16 I had what I not-so-lovingly referred to as “my ledge.”  The ledge was a little roll of fat on my lower right abdomen that was bigger than the left side and bigger than the rest of my belly.  I didn’t think anything too much of it – just I was unfortunate for being fat and having rolls.  As the years passed I got much bigger and so did my ledge.  I ended up calling it my bump because ledge was too small a descriptive word for it.

My bump was always on my mind.  If I wore a shirt that didn’t cover it I wouldn’t go out in public.  I had panic attacks at work if I noticed that my bump was visible.  I dreaded going in front of full length mirrors because I’d catch my profile and see it.  I was forever ashamed of it and never felt even remotely comfortable being intimate or naked.  Eventually the thing grew so big I couldn’t even wear swimsuits because the suit wouldn’t cover my whole bump, and by this point the fat had migrated and made my pubic area really big too.

Queue May, 2014 when I got the privilege of having gastric bypass surgery.  I started dropping weight like crazy and, as I mentioned before, 2 years and a bit later I’m holding steady at a healthy weight but my bump never disappeared.  In fact, I think it got worse.  It deflated a bit with the weight loss but now it hangs lower, pulls on my back and my insides and is still the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.  So this past May I went to a plastic surgeon to see if I could have my excess skin (i.e. bump) removed. The surgeon was shocked and awed.  He’s never seen anything like it before… called it a lipoma and said it’s the biggest he’s ever seen.  Basically, it’s a tumor.  A benign tumor, but a tumor nonetheless.  So I’ve been living for almost 20 years with this massive tumor on my abdomen.  I googled lipoma and they’re typically 5-10 cm big and typically not removed unless they cause problems.

Well, mine’s not typical.  Look at the pictures attached and you’ll see it’s way more than 10 cm big.  So the surgeon applied to OHIP (our provincial health plan) to see if the surgery would be able to be funded and I’ve been waiting since May but I’ve finally heard that IT IS GOING TO BE COVERED!!!!!!  I’ll FINALLY be able to look like a normal human being.  I’m finally going to have this monstrosity removed.  I have an appointment in 5 days to go in and see what can/will be done and hopefully schedule the OR time!  So I don’t know yet how it’s going to turn out, but I’m super confident that I’ll be happy with whatever results I get as nothing he does can be worse than how I look now.  I’m so excited to finally like how I look.  To finally wear tight pants and maybe tight shirts… at the very least shirts that don’t have to go past my crotch in length and maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually tuck in my shirt for the first time in over 20 years!10249335_775620545914798_61895998_n



Nothing much to say

I haven’t posted much because I really haven’t had much to say.  Things are going pretty well.  I’m between 145-155 lbs pretty steadily.  My health issues have either dwindled to completely manageable (not even worth mentioning) to completely gone.  My depression is mostly under control.  Relationship seems to be going good.  Better than good, actually.

So Sean got really into Star Wars and with the newest movie that was just released he got really, really, into it.  He convinced me to go see the new movie and I loved it too.  He ordered a saber from UltraSabers online, and I shook my head at the extravagance but whatever, I was happy he was happy.  Then I held the thing.  It is quality.  It is heavy but not too heavy and you can tell it was made with care.  So I ordered one for myself.  Started thinking of a costume to go to comic cons with because Sean wants a Sith costume for himself.  I now have the beginnings of a Sith Inquisitor Sorceress costume and I have the confidence to actually go out and wear it in public.

This is pretty new for me.  My whole life I would never have willingly drawn attention to myself.  I never would have dressed up and gone out, never mind actually being excited to dress up and go out.  I ended up ordering two sabers for me (exactly the same, to make a staff) and a surprise one for Sean that he desperately wanted and then I won a saber and gave that to Zoey and now SHE wants to dress up and join us too!  Sean also bought his daughter a saber for her 16th birthday and she’s really into Furries (she actually makes them and is very very talented) and she’s going to turn one of her characters into a Star Wars character and join us too.  This is so awesome.

I also joined a forum with Sean and while I’m not nearly as active as he is, I find it quite enjoyable to see what everyone else gets for sabers and what they do for costumes.  I guess there was a cool geek hiding inside me this whole time. And I’m glad I finally have the confidence to let her out.  2016-03-31 21.52.29

Gastric Bypass Update

Good morning!  Today I will be updating you on my Gastric Bypass and weight, etc.  To remind you where I came from, I was referred to the Bariatric Clinic weighing in at 320 lbs.  I was about 32 years old and had just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.  I could barely walk, my mood/depression was scary low, I was sleeping 16 hours per day and in general being a really shitty person and mother.

I decided to do something.  I decided I didn’t want to wait around to die.  So I asked for the referral.  It takes about 2 years from initial referral to surgery and I was almost smack dab on that timeline.  May 21, 2014 was my special day.  I went in and had the Roux-en-Y procedure.

Pre-Surgery Stats:

Highest weight – 320 lbs

Bust measurement – 58 inches

Waist measurement – 59 inches

Surgery weight – 277 lbs

It has been one year and 9 (ish) months since surgery.  My whole life has changed.  My personality is different, my energy levels are up really high and my desire to do things actually came back.  I enjoy life for the most part now.  My doctor actually said I’m starting to feel “normal” on these meds that I’m on paired with the confidence of looking like a “real person” and not a morbidly obese oddity.  I said to her at a follow-up the other day that for the most part I feel happy and satisfied with my life but sometimes when I’m stressed I get down but I don’t stay down.  Apparently that’s normal and that’s what most people feel like!  Cool! I’m almost normal!! LOL

Anyway, current stats:

Weight: 148 lbs (I tend to bounce between 143 lbs – 148 lbs for the last 3 months)

Bust measurement – 36 inches

Waist measurement – 39 inches

So I would consider myself to be stabilized, weight wise, and I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon to see about having my “bump” removed (procedure called a panniculectomy).  It should be covered by my provincial health care plan as it is quite large and problematic.  In general, that’s the only thing I’m still self-conscious about.  I’m quite certain once my panniculectomy is done I won’t need boobs or my arms/legs done.  As much as I’d love a nice pair of boobs (as opposed to these deflated pancake ones) I think I’ll be happy just looking like I have a normal stomach and won’t need anything else.

So, I’m adding a couple pictures to show what a loss of 172 lbs looks like.  It’s not pretty, but I’m hopeful my appointment in April with the surgeon will go well and soon I’ll be showing you my awesome flat tummy with no “bumps”!





So a lot has been happening these past few weeks.  I came into a bit of money which, of course, meant I had to spend it.  There were only a couple things I bought that people would shake their heads at (and Sean does, repeatedly) but mostly I bought functional or needed things.  I paid off a bunch of debt – payday loans, mostly – and bought things for Sean, Zoey and the house.  I also was able to lend my sister and her husband a bit to buy a bigger car (they have a 4-seater and with their third child set to arrive in a few months they definitely need a van) which will be returned when their old one sells.

All in all I’m happy with my purchases.  My bathroom was tops on my list of things to do and it is now painted a nice off-white (called Maple Sap) with white trim and chrome/white accent pieces.  Unfortunately I learned how to install a new toilet after breaking mine (I was putting the tank back on and tightened the screws too much; apparently toilets explode – just a heads up) and it was gross and scary because I didn’t want to break the new one but eventually it was installed properly.  We had a scare with some water leakage but turns out it was the water line going in so the toilet was able to remain in place and I just tightened it and no more leaks.  My bathroom is almost complete.  Just need to install the new mirror and the new light switch/plug plates.  Oooh… the best part… I got a new shower curtain, white with cherry blossoms (I love cherry blossoms) and couldn’t leave the brown and blue carpets, no… I got bright pink carpets to match and with the new paint (it’s not a yellow brown anymore!!!!) and the beautifully bright new light fixture the room looks so sunny and inviting.  I love it.  Currently it is 4:37 AM and Sean is painting his bathroom.  I think he was jealous how awesome mine looks 🙂

Today I go get the new stereo installed in the new car.  The stereo that is currently in there is pretty decent, but broken.  It’s a six disc changer but only 2 slots work… which I guess is more than I had before but still – I want to be able to do hands free so I can be safe and this will afford me that luxury plus I want to be able to listen to music from my phone or whatnot as nowadays who even buys CD’s?  While the car is in having the stereo added Sean and I will be going for dinner at a local restaurant which is in the same plaza.  We plan on beer (for him, I don’t like beer) and possibly wings and nachos.  We need to kill a couple hours during installation and this will be fun.

Yesterday I had my top right wisdom tooth removed.  Thankfully the dentist and his assistant understood my anxiety (which was really bad for some stupid reason) and they were able to talk me through the procedure.  I’m the kind of person if I don’t know what’s happening or why or can’t see what’s being done to me I get really upset and panicky.  So they talked me through the whole thing, telling me when they were cutting gums and scraping and removing the tooth.  At least I’m not squeamish.  But today I’m in a lot of discomfort.  I won’t call it pain because it’s more sore than painful if that makes sense.  My jaw is just aching and talking, smiling or just opening my mouth is not fun.  I bet dinner tonight will be fun.  NOT.

Oh well, I guess I’ll go for now.  Will post later about personal/physical changes as my weight loss has pretty much stabilized.



My first blog at my new computer station!

So this is my first blog at my new computer station, yay!

I recently came into a little bit of money, enough that I was able to catch up on all our bills and eliminate a couple personal loans.  It has also afforded me the opportunity to get a new vehicle – a sexy, black, 2006 Ford Escape (pronounced Escapé like Dori in Finding Nemo) – and this time it will be completely paid for by me, so no worries of it being repossessed or not being able to afford the monthly payments.

Not only was I able to catch up on all necessary bills and expenditures but I was also able to buy a few things on my wishlist that I just haven’t been able to spend money on when it was sorely needed for other things.  I got myself a pair of Doc Marten’s – a nice, soft leather so I don’t have to work them in.  Sean helped me put mink oil on them so they’re waterproof.  They look good.  I also bought this amazing red and black shirt, it has pleather accents and is very edgy looking.  I thought to myself, “this needs pleather pants” and one day I decided to go to Value Village (a thrift store) and voila! There was a pair of pleather skinny pants IN MY SIZE!!!  I wore that outfit yesterday and, with my new hairdo, I must admit I was HOT!  I got some more clothes, nothing too special but definitely needed, and some more from Value Village so I didn’t blow my whole lot on clothes.

One thing I did buy that Sean shakes his head over is a brand new Iphone 6s.  Brand new as in not used, lol.  This is significant because all my phones have been used.  It turns out I’m an Apple girl and I keep trying Android phones but they just don’t please me as much as an iPhone does… and let me tell you this 6s is AMAZING.  I love it.  Totally worth the money.

I also completed my fancy dinner outfit.  We’re going to a fancy restaurant in a couple weeks and I saw this red Marilyn Monroe-type dress that I fell in love with.  I tried it on – turns out it fits!  So I bought it.  I also got a jacket to go with it and a beautiful pair of red/black shoes and some dark black opaque stockings.  I’m going to look amazing… just saying.  🙂

Not only did I buy a ton of stuff for me (most on sale or clearance!) I was able to help get a couple extras for Sean and Zoey.  I helped Sean out by ordering his microphone and dictation software.  I can hear him upstairs talking to his computer and it’s awesome.  This software listens and learns his speech patterns and virtually eliminates the need for a keyboard/mouse.  This is good as he has struggled with typing (two fingers as opposed to my 90+ WPM) and reaching for the mouse makes his back hurt.

So, further to my last post about having my own office space in the basement, I went ahead and bought a new computer desk.  It is beautiful.  It has a keyboard tray that fits the mouse beside it (bonus!!!), a work area, a raised monitor area and two raised accessory shelves which I’m using as speaker shelves.  I love my little corner.  I know this is a rambling, pointless post but I wanted to write something at my new desk.  🙂

Oh well, it’s after 2 am and I should work on getting sleepy again.  Good night, WordPress world.