FINALLY!!!

So I haven’t posted in a while again.  Mostly because nothing is going on that I want to talk about.  Sean and I have had some problems in our relationship that we actually broke up over, and I moved out.  But, we’ve since reconciled and are dating again – albeit with a new anniversary date.  We aren’t going to throw away the 2 years we’ve spent together, so we’re working on our 3rd year together, we’ve just thrown out the 6 months where we weren’t getting along at all and were broken up off and on over.

As for my weight loss, well it’s stable and where I want it.  Last summer I went down to 135/140 lbs and was getting lots of comments on how I was looking sick.  I told my bariatric team I was worried and they were too, but the surgeon wasn’t and said I’d bounce back to a healthy weight soon – and sure enough I did.  I’m now holding steady around 160 lbs.  I fluctuate about 5-6 lbs up and down but for the most part I’m staying around 160 lbs. This is good – I’m looking and feeling quite healthy.

So yesterday I got the most amazing news.  News I’ve literally been waiting since I was 16 years old to hear… let me give you a background first, before I share the news.  When I was in high school I started putting on weight.  I’d always been a bit overweight, but I started changing shape in grade 9.  I noticed my tummy was growing but nothing else was.  By the time I was 16 I had what I not-so-lovingly referred to as “my ledge.”  The ledge was a little roll of fat on my lower right abdomen that was bigger than the left side and bigger than the rest of my belly.  I didn’t think anything too much of it – just I was unfortunate for being fat and having rolls.  As the years passed I got much bigger and so did my ledge.  I ended up calling it my bump because ledge was too small a descriptive word for it.

My bump was always on my mind.  If I wore a shirt that didn’t cover it I wouldn’t go out in public.  I had panic attacks at work if I noticed that my bump was visible.  I dreaded going in front of full length mirrors because I’d catch my profile and see it.  I was forever ashamed of it and never felt even remotely comfortable being intimate or naked.  Eventually the thing grew so big I couldn’t even wear swimsuits because the suit wouldn’t cover my whole bump, and by this point the fat had migrated and made my pubic area really big too.

Queue May, 2014 when I got the privilege of having gastric bypass surgery.  I started dropping weight like crazy and, as I mentioned before, 2 years and a bit later I’m holding steady at a healthy weight but my bump never disappeared.  In fact, I think it got worse.  It deflated a bit with the weight loss but now it hangs lower, pulls on my back and my insides and is still the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.  So this past May I went to a plastic surgeon to see if I could have my excess skin (i.e. bump) removed. The surgeon was shocked and awed.  He’s never seen anything like it before… called it a lipoma and said it’s the biggest he’s ever seen.  Basically, it’s a tumor.  A benign tumor, but a tumor nonetheless.  So I’ve been living for almost 20 years with this massive tumor on my abdomen.  I googled lipoma and they’re typically 5-10 cm big and typically not removed unless they cause problems.

Well, mine’s not typical.  Look at the pictures attached and you’ll see it’s way more than 10 cm big.  So the surgeon applied to OHIP (our provincial health plan) to see if the surgery would be able to be funded and I’ve been waiting since May but I’ve finally heard that IT IS GOING TO BE COVERED!!!!!!  I’ll FINALLY be able to look like a normal human being.  I’m finally going to have this monstrosity removed.  I have an appointment in 5 days to go in and see what can/will be done and hopefully schedule the OR time!  So I don’t know yet how it’s going to turn out, but I’m super confident that I’ll be happy with whatever results I get as nothing he does can be worse than how I look now.  I’m so excited to finally like how I look.  To finally wear tight pants and maybe tight shirts… at the very least shirts that don’t have to go past my crotch in length and maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually tuck in my shirt for the first time in over 20 years!10249335_775620545914798_61895998_n