June 13 – 267.2 lbs

So they are saying the first couple months after surgery you are still healing so not to expect too much.  But no one tells you this BEFORE surgery so I had expectations.  I’m only down 10 lbs since the day I went in for surgery, May 21st 2014.  And let me tell you I am NOT happy.  Here are my numbers… approximately 1 year ago I weighed 320 lbs and was diagnosed with diabetes.  I decided then and there that that was unacceptable and started the process of getting weight loss surgery.  Somehow (and I say somehow because I didn’t do it on purpose) I lost weight on my own and was down to 277 on the day of surgery.  2 days after surgery I got on their scale and it said 285 but they told me that was mostly from the IV fluids.  Which I was ok with because it gives the appearance of a higher starting number.  As of today I weigh 267.

I’m doing everything right, for the most part.  I’m measuring my food and not taking in too much in quantity.  I’m paying attention to protein (getting minimum of 60 grams per day in – usually more) and keeping fat and sugar low.  Staying at about 800 – 1000 calories per day even though I was told not to pay attention to that yet.  I’m not focussing on the calories, but my app that tracks protein etc also tracks calories.  When I snack I do it relatively smart.  The worst thing I’ve snacked on is ice cream – and it was low fat, no sugar added, lacotse free ice cream in a 1/2 cup serving size.  Otherwise I snack on things like a cheese string (as opposed to 3 or 4 like before) or a no sugar added pudding cup.  I’m even trying to pay attention to sodium levels – again, even though I wasn’t told to. 

I’m not cleared for exercise yet so I don’t do much other than walking.  To be honest I don’t do my hour a day like I’m supposed to – but I hate walking unless I have a destination to get to.  I joined a gym for July 14th – the monday after I move to Guelph.  By then I should be cleared for exercise.  I’m actually excited to go because I really want to lose some weight, tone up and stop being tired all the time. 

I thought I’d be throwing up, dumping and craving my favourite foods but I didn’t think this “difficult journey” was going to be difficult because I’m not losing anything significant.  I expected hard times, but no one warned me about this.  I read about people who are gaining weight back years out because they’re eating like crazy and not paying attention to what and then I read about people who lose like 100 lbs in 8 months doing everything right.  Well I want to know who I’ll be and right now I can’t tell.  The NOT losing makes me want to eat.  Like screw this, if I’m not losing why am I denying myself? What’s the point?  Yes, yes, I’m going to be healthier.  And yes I acknowledge 320 lbs down to 267 is a good thing.  Maybe I just want to be whiny though and maybe I’m self-sabotaging. 

Things are worse when I’m at my house and Sean isn’t here.  I can’t wait to move to Guelph to be with him.  It’s not that he’s a food cop or anything or that I rely on him to tell me what to eat, but when I’m with him I’m not bored or stuck inside my own head.  We do things, we talk about things (even if it is about food) and I find I’m not focussed on what I can’t do or eat.  And I find I want to make him proud so its easier to skip the bad stuff. 

I didn’t want to make my blog about whining and complaining and it seems like that’s all I do lately which is why I haven’t been submitting as often as I used to.  So I’m going to end today with a warning – to all you who haven’t had surgery yet you might want to ask what kind of weight loss to expect – but ASK YOUR DOCTOR. Don’t go by what everyone on the support groups are saying.  And don’t give yourself false hopes because it hurts when you crash down from them.

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4 Comments

  1. You WILL lose… just let your body adjust and everything else will catch up.
    And the answer to your “which one?” question is easy – you’ll be the one you choose to be. And since you’ve already chosen to be the winner in so many ways, that’s what you’ll continue to be.
    Besides – how can you not be a winner with Sean and me in your life?

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