Day 38 (I think) 268.4 lbs

Well the scale has started moving again.  Thank goodness.  I was almost a whole week with no real loss and I was starting to get worried.  I know I shouldn’t be a slave to the scale and I’m not in the sense that it doesn’t control what I eat or do, but I’ve gone through this drastic life change and I’d like to see some results.  Other than farting, that is.  I am SO gassy still, it’s not even funny.  And it doesn’t seem to matter what or when I eat it comes no matter what.  At least it isn’t painful anymore… just annoying.

I don’t have much to report.  I’m very down these last few days.  Money troubles (again or still? I can’t decide which is more accurate) but supposedly disability has all my paperwork and is reviewing my file.  I’m going to call on Monday to see if they’ve made a decision yet because the same day as I got that phone call I had been on the phone with someone who said they were still missing papers.  So I want to clarify if they’ve got them or not. 

A girl on my facebook asked me if I’d like to have some of her clothes that don’t fit her anymore.  I am happy to report I was able to say “no thanks” to the size 4x clothes, but happily accepted all the 2 and 3x clothes.  I haven’t got them yet, but I’m looking forward to it. 

I’m in such a bad mood lately.  I know part of it is being off my psych meds and part of it is being lonely but I just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever.  I am mourning the loss of food, too.  I’m kinda ticked at myself because I can’t do what I want or eat what I want anymore.  And I know it’s not healthy but I miss eating away my pain.  Now I can’t do that and I have no idea how to deal with the crap I’m going through. 

Well I’m going to stop here.  There’s no point rambling and getting myself more upset. 

Todays Weight: 268.4

Starting weight: 320

Weight in hospital: 285.3

Total weight lost: 51.6

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2 Comments

  1. It’s normal to feel down and frustrated when you hit a plateau.
    It’s also very, very healthy that you recognise your tendency to “eat away your pain” and that you’re aware of the challenge to find a new way to deal with those feelings.
    You will find that things will become clear to you in time and you’ll work out new ways to deal with old junk.
    In the meantime, you have people around you who love and support you, including me! so make the most of them and spend the time with them whichever way you can – text, instant message, facebook, whatever… to help you change your life and your habits as well as to pass the time!

  2. Well put above. Count me in too of course. I’m so very proud of you, and was going to ask if you’d visited the scale today. We’ll be together very soon, and I so look forward to that. Hang in there, you’re doing amazingly well.

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