Day 16, May 16 2014

Hello 🙂  today I have Zoey with me.  We had a great heart-to-heart that lasted over 2 hours.  We talked about boys, jobs, school, life… just everything.  Well, I did most of the talking (I’ve been deprived most of the week of human interactions that don’t involve me begging for money) but she seemed pretty interested and teared up when I did and asked questions and gave insight.  It was great.  She’s a great kid.  I explained to her that moving to Guelph (1 hour 45 minutes away from her) is not anything she’s done wrong, or me wanting to be away from her.  I broke down crying and told her I feel like what is there to live for if I can’t be her mom?  Which, I know, I’m still her mom even though she doesn’t live with me but it doesn’t really feel like it sometimes.  I don’t know how her day goes (“How was your day today?” “Fine”) and I don’t get to see her or hug her or kiss her good night.  And for some reason she doesn’t feel the need to talk to me as much as she used to talk to her dad when she lived with me.  It makes me a little jealous.  So I talked about Sean and how I wasn’t choosing him over her (I know she feels this way sometimes) and I explained how I’m dissatisfied with the way my life is going and with her being with her dad now is the opportunity for me to go back to school, get a degree, and get a job I actually like.  (This was also an excellent opportunity to explain how you think you don’t need school because you can get a good paying job, but after a few years you realize you hate it because you’re not living up to your potential and it’s slowly killing you.  So STAY IN SCHOOL and go to college/university even if you change majors half way through.)

I spoke with compensation and disability today.  I called both, since no one felt the need to call me back within the promised 24 hour period.  Disability still has no record of my claim which was given to my boss in March.  I guess its a bit confusing because I have 2 claims going.  The first claim (from March 3rd) says I can only work 3 days a week due to my disability (my depression).  So in between those 3 days I’m supposed to get “topped up” with disability money.  Since they haven’t received any notifications that I need this I obviously haven’t been paid for any time I haven’t worked.  Basically I’ve been getting paid about half my normal pays (which makes it VERY hard to keep up on bills).  Then, I also have my surgery disability which will put me off full time for 6ish weeks, and we knew about almost 3 weeks ago.  They haven’t heard about that either, so I’m obviously not going to be getting paid for those days any time soon (which is going to make it IMPOSSIBLE to pay bills).  I mentioned (sternly) that I was having surgery this Wednesday coming up and I’d really like to know what’s going on before that.  The girl seemed shocked and promised she’d escallate (sp?) my inquiry and get back to me Tuesday – promise.  My dad loaned me some money so I will be able to get food and medicine so I won’t have to do it the day I get out of the hospital, THANK GOD.  I really wasn’t looking forward to having to go out while in pain.  I also got a ride home from the hospital by my nephew’s mother.  It’s weird because we haven’t ever been all that close, but she offered if I was stuck (and I was) so I’m taking her up on it.  Have to pay $40 but it’s significantly less than if I took a cab home. 

I’m getting a little nervous about the surgery.  I’m not worried about dying or anything like that… just worried that I’ll change somehow for the worse.  Like I’ll become vain or something.  That’s probably a stupid thing to worry about, but there you have it.  I’m also worried about being bored in the hospital, but they have a patient lounge and I’ll be bringing my book that I haven’t started yet and I’ll have my phone so I’m sure all will be fine.  I made a shopping list of all the “food” I’ll be able to eat when I get out.  Basically things like pudding, yogurt, broth, popsicles, and of course my protein shakes.  It’ll only last about 3 weeks and then I can start on adding mushy foods.  I’m excited to start eating again.  I managed to get an interview scheduled for when I’m in Guelph this Tuesday with an energy company.  The first time I called I didn’t catch the name of the company (which wasn’t published in the advertisement) so I just got the information that they’re looking to hire ASAP.  I thought about it for an hour and talked to Sean about it and decided I wanted to interview for it so I called back.  After the interview was scheduled I Googled the company name… and found out they have a horrible reputation – they’re gas marketers.  They’re those awful pushy not taking no for an answer people who come to your door and trick you into signing up for gas/hydro contracts.  I’m really hoping the job ISN’T for one of those door-to-door positions, but I have a feeling it might be.  In which case I won’t just be saying “no” I’ll be saying “hell no!” to it.  I also applied to a couple other positions that sounded very promising.  I haven’t heard anything and I’ve been applying to jobs for a couple weeks now… so I’m thinking my resume needs some tweaking.  I’ve never been good at resumes.  And, sad to say, the only 2 actually GOOD jobs I’ve had I’m almost 100% certain I got because the hiring people knew and worked with my parents.  Canadian Tire Financial Services call centre -(my first job when I was 16) actually had a referral program and my parents put my name in so I got hired.  For Canada Revenue Agency the lady doing the hiring is married to a man my dad works very closely with – and we have a semi-uncommon last name so I’m certain she recognized it.  I’m glad for the jobs, but a part of me wishes I had been hired based on my own merits.  I’ve seen some advertisements for people who revamp resumes for $40 so I believe as soon as I can afford it I’ll go to someone and get help.

Well, it’s practically midnight and my eyes are burning.  I’m off to bed!

Weight: 281.6

Total weight lost on Optifast: 9.8

PS – The annoying guy from nutrition class was right… putting raspberry Mio into the chocolate shakes is pretty good!  Zoey didn’t enjoy it, but I did.  Of course she was eating a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips at the time, so her taste buds were probably a little out of whack.

Day 15, May 15

I spent most of today crying.  I know crying solves nothing, but sometimes you need to just sit back and feel sorry for yourself.  I finally found out that I’m getting paid on the 21st.  Not as much as I thought it would be, but I guess it’s better than nothing.  Still trying to figure out where the rest of my money is and supposedly someone is going to call me tomorrow in regards to the fact that they have no record of my disability claim and apparently my boss didn’t know who to give it to so he’s been sitting on it since March 3rd when I handed him my doctor’s note.  If there’s no record of my claim, that means that (historically) it’s going to probably take a couple months before they finish up my claim and start paying me.  Which means when I get paid on the 21st I can catch up with some things, but come the 4th when more bills are due I have no idea what I’ll do.  My landlords are mad at me because I haven’t paid them and owe a month and a half rent, my cable/internet provider is threatening to cut me off, my old cell phone company is calling my daughter’s phone for some reason looking for me (but they won’t call me even though I was the registered owner of the plan and even though Zoey tells them to call me) so I guess they don’t want their money that badly.  I owe everyone and their neighbours, I think.  It’s a horrible feeling. 

On top of feeling like shit (pardon the language) due to financial troubles, today I got a lovely message from my aunt telling me she is no longer able to pick me up from the hospital after my surgery.  I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and a dad and they all work, so I have no ride home.  My pre-op paperwork says that they won’t do surgery if there’s no one to take me home – which contradicts what the nutritionist said when he told us people drive themselves home sometimes.  I understand they want you to have someone to help carry things (since you can’t lift 10 lbs and up) and to help keep an eye on you, but they say you can drive 24 hours after surgery and release day is almost 48 hours after… so in theory I should be able to drive myself.  I’m hoping the fact that Sean will be home waiting for me will be enough that they won’t cancel my surgery and I’ll either drive myself or take a taxi ($115!) home.  My other aunt is in Edmonton right now but she’s trying to find a way to fly down to drive me which is sweet, but more expensive than taking a taxi. 

Part of the reason I’m so quick (and long) to cry is that I haven’t been taking my depression medication correctly these last few weeks.  Since I haven’t been paid, I haven’t been able to renew my prescriptions and so I’ve been skipping doses.  I know that’s a horrible thing to do and my doctor would have a conniption (sp?) if she found out but taking them every few days is better than not at all, right? Honestly I don’t know, but I also don’t know what else to do – I’ve tapped out all my borrowing options. 

I also have a confession to make… I cheated today.  I got gas money from my brother and had a little bit of change so I bought a pop.  I’m not supposed to have pop because of the carbonation and caffeine and empty calories.  Now it’s not all bad, I bought the sugar-free kind (which people argue is worse, but oh well) and it had 0 calories so I didn’t cheat TOO badly, but it wasn’t considered clear fluids so it is, in fact, a cheat. 

Sorry about being so negative, but I needed an outlet to vent.  I promise not all my blogs are going to be so full of ranting. 

Current weight: 281.2

Total lost so far: 10.2 lbs

Day 14, May 14

So I didn’t blog yesterday.  I had my pre-op appointment at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Hamilton and then got stuck in Guelph.  The pre-op appointment went well.  If by well you mean the nurse had to dig the needle around in my arm multiple times trying to find my vein while doing my bloodwork.  I now have a very ugly bruise on my inner elbow.  Other than that, I’m cleared for surgery – even with this lingering cough I have.  After my appointment I went to Sean’s house in Guelph and then freaked out because I didn’t have enough gas to get back home.  Well, I MIGHT have had enough, but I was too scared to risk it.  So I stayed over night with no shakes, without my favourite pillow and without my CPAP machine (I wasn’t expecting to have to spend the night).  I was supposed to get paid either Wednesday (today) or Friday (2 days from now) but when I called because the money wasn’t in the bank today they very rudely told me I wasn’t getting paid and to calm down because if I had gotten my time sheets in on time this wouldn’t have happened.  To which I didn’t reply anything because I was too upset.  But I called back later and talked to someone else who was so nice.  She at least explained what had happened – I haven’t been paid since April 10th.  No, really?? I didn’t notice… Anyway, my boss had forgotten to put my time sheet in one week, had been away and couldn’t put my time sheets in for one week, and the second approver was away and couldn’t put in my time sheet for the next week.  But I should have had a supplimentary pay at least for the first week that was missed but they can’t explain why that’s not there.  So I broke down crying asking what am I supposed to do?  I have no money, I can’t get home from Guelph, and I definitely can’t get to work for the rest of the week, nevermind if I could get to work I can’t pay to park.  I ended up borrowing money and got home today, with enough gas to go to work for the rest of the week.  But still, am I going to have to borrow off everyone and their neighbours before I get paid? This is ridiculous.  AND I have to call back tomorrow so they can tell me when they’re going to actually pay me.  Talk about stress.

On top of all that, I only cheated once.  I had Mr. Noodles last night because I was starving and had no shakes.  Sean has been wonderful through all this.  Especially through my tears.  He was angry for me, but not at me for being weepy.  It was what I needed.  I  love him.  He’s also being very supportive with this whole surgery thing.  We still talk about food all the time, and I love that about us.  We’re like food connoisseurs (sp?).  We also talk alot about the BBQ and gazebo and patio set we want to buy as soon as our money situation has righted itself.  We’re both looking very much forward to being able to spend time outside comfortably.  We talk about the shish ka bobs and fish and all that we’re going to BBQ that will be healthy for me.  I’m sure I could figure out a nice healthy chicken burger or something like that for when Sean wants burgers. 

We also have been talking about everything we want to do this summer.  Both of us have been starved for adult company these last few years so we have ideas coming out the wazoo’s LOL.  I want to go to the Highland Games in Fergus, and Sean says we can!  He made me a very happy girl when he said yes.  We also are looking forward to going to restaurants and spending time on patios and even just doing every day stuff like going to Wal-Mart or the grocery store.  I acknowledge that when we move in together there will be times we want to be alone but there’s something about this relationship that makes us want to do things together all the time.  I haven’t had that before.  And I really, really, like that he fell in love with me before my surgery.  So I don’t have to worry if he loves me for how I look and would he have loved me if I was still fat. 

Well, that’s it for today.  My weight is down again, but not by much.  According to yesterday’s appointment I weigh 286.6 on the very accurate doctor’s scale.  Which, compared to the last time I was officially weighed, I’ve lost 34.3 lbs.  I still think my boobs are shrinking, but am praying every day that they won’t get any smaller. 

Today’s weight: 282.6

Total weight lost since starting Optifast: 8.8 lbs

Day 12 – May 12, 2014

So I forgot to blog yesterday.  No matter, nothing interesting happened.  I spent Mother’s  Day with my daughter but we didn’t do anything.  Just played on our phones and shared things we found. 

Today I had a dentist appointment and a doctor’s appointment.  The dental hygenist and my doctor were both very excited for my surgery.  Both asked how I feel about it and right now I’m feeling very excited.  I know it’s going to change my life forever and I’m ready for the change.  I may have cheated a bit when Zoey was home, but I will succeed anyway.  I know I will. 

Tomorrow I have the pre-op appointment at the hospital.  It’ll be 2 hours approximately and we’ll be doing bloodwork and I don’t know what else.  Maybe I’ll be nervous tomorrow, but right now I’m not.  I also get to pick up Sean tomorrow.  I’m excited for that too because I haven’t seen him for a few days.  It’s weird how much I miss him when we’re not together and I really do look forward to July when I’ll move in with him.  We fit so well together. 

This weekend was VERY tough when it came to cheating.  I wanted to cheat every minute of every day.  I even dreamt of cheating.  It’s all purely mental still – I’m not physically hungry but I miss eating.  I can’t wait till I’m healed and can start eating again, even if it is just mushy food.  At least then I’ll feel like I’m doing something.  Eating salad and veggies was actually a bad idea.  It made me want to eat more, so I’m going to just stick to the Optifast shakes for the next week and a half.

Not much else to report except that I don’t seem to be losing as much weight as I thought I would.  I seem to hover around 5 – 11 lbs and can’t go past that.

Weight: 286.3 lbs

Total weight lost: 5.1

Day 10 – May 10th 2014

Hello 🙂  So today I got to spend the day with my daughter.  It was actually quite boring.  We had a fun morning, but the afternoon we didn’t do anything more exciting than go to Wal-Mart and buy popsicle moulds.  We took a drive and went to Studio 123 in St. Catharines and made an appointment for me to get another tattoo (that’ll be 15 for now).  It’s not until September so I’ll be nice and skinny by the time I get to go.  Thankfully my arms aren’t all that fat (well, my upper arms are, but my forearms aren’t bad) so I should be able to still get my tattoo there and it won’t look weird. 

I miss Sean terribly today.  I can’t wait until I move in with him so I can be with him constantly.  I mean, I know we’re going to get on each other’s nerves and it isn’t going to be all rainbows and roses but having an adult to talk with will be nice.  I’ve been deprived of adult conversation and company these last few years.  I love being with Zoey, don’t get me wrong, but there’s only so much One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer talk I can handle. 

Today I cheated.  I had a bite of Zoey’s pizza (against her will – I stole it when she wasn’t looking) and a bite of Kraft Dinner.  I was feeling a lot of boredom hunger so I ate a bunch of spinach which held me over but didn’t do much to satisfy my cravings.  I still want a meat ball but Zoey won’t let me have one – she’s a good kid.   I have no real concerns today, just curious as to how bored I’ll be tomorrow and what we can do to counteract the boredom.  Hopefully the weather will be nice (I haven’t even checked) and we can do something outside. 

Current weight: 283.1 lbs

Total Weight Lost so far: 8.3 lbs

Day 9, May 9 2014

Today I get to hang out with Zoey! (My beautiful daughter)  She’s 12 going on 20 and looks about 16.  Ouch.  Anyway we’re having a really great time today.  Which is good, she’s still kind of mad that I sent her to her dad’s to live.  She even said today that she thought she could tell I was losing weight.  I don’t know if she’s right (I can’t tell) but I do think my face might be shrinking. 

I went over the list of foods I’m allowed to eat and when.  It is good – I’ll be on the diet for life at 6 weeks… which is 3 days before my dad’s wedding.  I don’t know what kinds of foods he’ll be having, but I’m sure there will be pasta (which I’m supposed to avoid) and salad (which I’m ok to eat, I think, provided there is low-fat dressing).  I hope there’s food I can eat and that will be yummy for me. 

I cheated today.  Not bad, but I drank some juice.  Full-sugar, non-clear juice.  It was delicious.  I avoided the pizza though – so bonus.  I also tried the Optifast in chocolate.  Haven’t tried it in the pudding/cake batter form yet but the drink isn’t as good as the vanilla.  It’s not as thick feeling (the vanilla kind of feels like you’re drinking milk). 

Anyway, I can’t concentrate with Zoey sitting over my shoulder.  So let’s get down to the numbers.

 

Today’s weight: 280.4

Total weight lost: 11 lbs

Day 8, May 8th 2014

Good evening!  Today I’m feeling markedly better from yesterday, partly because I attended a nutrition class at the hospital and partly because I was with Sean for the morning.  Oh and I got to eat a PB sandwich!  Don’t get all upset… my sugar dropped below 4 (it was 3.5) and I forgot I had juice boxes in the fridge.  I’ll tell you, though, I don’t feel guilty but I do feel satisfied.  Not full, but not empty anymore. 

At the nutrition class I sat beside a man, mid 40’s, who weighed probably 300 lbs but didn’t look that big.  He said he’s lost 40 lbs being on the Optifast diet for 3 weeks, but he hasn’t cheated once.  He kept talking during the class, which was a little annoying, but he was funny and kept saying everyone looked like chicken wings.  That probably doesn’t sound funny to you, but when you haven’t eaten any food for weeks everything and everyone reminds you of what you crave.  I saw people drinking Tim Hortons frozen lemonades… I was jealous but then I thought how they were ruining their diet because that is so full of sugar and probably isn’t considered a clear fluid. 

The nutrition class went well.  Found out I can get my calcium suppliments from Wal-Mart which rocks because there they have liquid or chewable versions.  The ones I take now are giant horse pills and they are so chalky they make me gag even when I take them cut in half.  I was reminded I need to go buy protein powder and/or shakes for after surgery as these will be my main source of protein for the first few weeks after surgery.  Not quite sure where the $ is coming from to get that… but we’ll figure it out.  I also figured out that most people have no major problems after surgery if they follow the rules – eat slowly, stick to the prescribed foods at the prescribed times, etc. and so I feel completely confident in my decision to continue on.   They also mentioned how our diabetes might disappear depending on how badly and how long you’ve had it.  Well mine was pretty bad (target sugar is around 5, mine was 18 before it was treated) but I’ve only been diagnosed for a year so it’s quite possible it’ll go away.  That would be nice. 

After the nutrition class I was supposed to go pick up my remaining 4 boxes of Optifast.  For some unknown reason, I forgot and started home.  Good thing Google updated its maps which now take me the scenic route everywhere (which is otherwise QUITE ANNOYING!) because I was able to turn around after 10 minutes of driving and go back to the hospital.  Unfortunately, I had to pay $3.50 on top of the already $14 parking fee since I went back.  But I managed to get my shakes.  Haven’t tried the chocolate yet, but chatty guy from nutrition class suggests putting some raspberry Mio in it.  The handout we got in class also says we can dissolve some instant coffee to make a mocha… I’m not a big fan of coffee, but I can see it being a big hit with some people. 

Oh!  I forgot the most horrible/wonderful part of the class… The handout we were given was SUPPOSED to be given to us by the pharmacist (but over half of us never received) says we can eat some veggies while on the Optifast diet.  Horrible because I’m mentally starving for no reason!  Wonderful because I can have the following (up to 2 cups a day): green peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, lettuce, spinach, celery, cabbage and cucumber.  I’m also allowed to use a small amount (1 tbsp) of low-calorie dressing with the vegetables.  Can we say salad??? I’m so excited!! So now I don’t have to feel badly when I’m desperate to cheat… I can have some veggies and dressing and it’s all OK!  This also means I can eat with Sean and he won’t have to feel badly about eating in front of me.  I’ve told him his eating doesn’t bother me, and mostly it doesn’t, but he still feels badly.  I’ve mentioned this before, but he really is a great guy. 

I have one concern today… I think the weight I’ve lost so far is coming from my boobs.  They seem smaller to me, which is not a good thing because I didn’t have the biggest rack to begin with.  And I like boobs.  Girls should have boobs, and bigger girls should have bigger boobs.  *sigh*

Other than that, everything is good.  I’m sorry yesterdays post wasn’t so upbeat and didn’t contain much information but I was so miserable!  Today, not miserable at all.  🙂 Not even though I gained weight. This is a good thing (not the weight, my attitude)

Weight: 281.7 lbs

Weight lost so far:  9.7 lbs

 

Day 7 – May 7th 2014

So I’m writing this on my phone as for some reason my computer isn’t working. I had a rough day today. Just in a bad mood in general. I had a hard time concentrating and the girl I share an office with was eating sushi. I like sushi 😦

Other than that today was a good day. It was nice outside again and my dad stopped by to give me an invite to his wedding. I drove my daughter and her friends to kickboxing and came home and just vegged.  We are watching match game. Its not as good as the old version but I like some of the comedians on it. Later I have to drive Sean home. Its an hour and 45 minute drive and I’m not looking forward to being without him, but at least we have the drive and the night. Tomorrow I have to go for a nutrition class at the hospital. Mandatory for the surgery.

Hmm… well I don’t want to complain too much so I’ll focus on the good stuff.

Current weight: 280.4
Total weight lost: 11
Feeling: meh

Day 6 – May 6th 2014

I’m hungry. Actually, physically hungry. I desperately want a blueberry muffin. A nice, fresh one that goes gooey and sticks to the roof of your mouth… mmmm… Or maybe I want vegetable soup. A nice, hot bowl of Campbells vegetable soup. With crackers. Oooohh… crackers and peanut butter. Yum!

Today my mind is just churning with ideas of what I could eat. I sit here and think, why the heck not? What’s one day gonna do? No one would even know unless I told them… But then I look at the scale, I think about how my pants are falling down when I walk and I re-read Sean’s instant message that says, out of the blue, “I’m proud of you” and I’m able to ignore the hunger pains. I thought it was supposed to get easier, not harder?

I have one concern today. I know I was sick with a cold, and this is probably a side-effect of that, not the diet, but I can’t help but wonder… I still can’t smell (even though my nose is barely stuffy at all) and I can’t taste anything either. I’ve never had this happen before. Sure, for a day or two when you’re completely stuffed up with a cold you can’t taste much but I’m not stuffed any more. I find it handy for when Sean is eating, if I can’t smell his food I’m less likely to be jealous and if he’s out smoking and I go out with him I’m not craving a cigarette, but I’m still concerned. If it doesn’t stop (or start?) I’m talking about it with my doctor when I go in on the 15th.

Other than being hungry today is a pretty good day. The sun is shining and it’s a decent 15 degrees celcius, so not hot but by no means is it cold. Sean and I went to the mall and walked around. We didn’t see anything we really wanted except for Sean’s gummy bears and Fruit Loops cereal which we bought at Target. I like gummy bears, but I’m not obsessed with them or craving them so they’re safe. And I’m not a big cereal eater either, so his breakfast is safe. We also went to my exes wife’s store (well, she works there so it’s not hers… but you get my meaning) and looked at rings. She works at a pawn shop. We weren’t looking for engagement rings, so don’t get too excited.

Sean wants to buy me a commitment ring to show that he’s in this relationship fully and he acknowledges what a sacrifice I’m making by moving in with him in Guelph. I think it’s romantic. I really want a black diamond ring and we found one at a different jewellry store that we liked but Wendy says if I find one there I can have them swap out the stones for a small fee. I might do that because you get more ring for less money (I personally couldn’t care less that it is a previously enjoyed ring) but Sean thinks if you’re going to spend more money (the one I really liked was $299 plus the cost to size and swap out stones) you might as well get a new one (which was $399). I see his point. We’re looking at buying around Christmas time anyway, so there’ll be different rings at her store later.

So, despite thinking about food constantly (wouldn’t today be a great day for a bonfire with weiners and marshmallows??) I’m doing pretty good. I’m a bit tired, but that’s quite normal for me. Let’s get down to business…

Weight: 281.4 lbs (technically I lost a bunch of weight somehow, without consciously doing it, before the diet and I started off at 320 lbs, meaning I’ve lost 38.6 lbs since my last doctors’ weigh-in, but we’re starting with the number right before I went on Optifast)

Total weight lost with Optifast: 10 lbs!
Side effects – I forgot to mention this in previous posts, but “eating” a liquid diet gives you liquid BM’s. Just sayin’ I’m glad I can’t smell anything sometimes!
Cheating – none, but not for lack of wanting

Day 5 – May 5th 2014

So I went to work today and I was feeling pretty good about it.  I had my shakes all ready to go and planned on drinking all my water while I was there.  I was looking forward to seeing my pay stub for this Wednesday too, because I wasn’t sure how much I’d be getting but I thought it would be 3 weeks worth (since we forgot to put in one weeks time card on time I didn’t get paid 2 weeks last time).  Well, first, I forgot my parking money.  I was literally 2 minutes away from the office when I had to turn around and make the 20 minute highway drive back home and then another 20 minutes back to the office.  So I arrived at the office, paid for my parking and went to start my day. 

Things were going well, the girl I share an office with wasn’t there so it was quiet and I had work to do that was challenging in that I haven’t memorized all the steps yet so I need to read instructions every time.  So I logged onto the site that shows our pay stubs and there’s nothing there.  No pay stub showing for this week.  I asked my boss who I could talk to and he sent me a number with a message “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help” and I was thinking, “well you could loan me the amout of what my paycheque was supposed to be since I have bills to pay, etc…” but I didn’t say anything.  I called compensation and they put me on hold for almost 10 minutes.  They said they received my time sheets over the weekend so I won’t be getting any thing this week.  But I might get a supplimentary cheque next Wednesday, maybe Friday.  That’s nice.  Last week I got paid for 1 week only so I had to not pay some things, and now I’m not getting paid anything so I still can’t pay.  It’s not like I have time sensitive things to pay for, (like rent!) right? 

I ended up with a bad headache and stress in my shoulders and so I came home.  Even though I’m getting paid for the whole day (sick day) it still isn’t good.  I was freaking out trying to think of how I can get some money because I have 2 pre-op appointments in Hamilton which both occur before I will be getting paid next week.  But then Sean came to my rescue and reminded me that I’m supposed to be getting $80 from my daughter’s friend that I drive around (well, from her mom actually) and I’ll at least have gas and parking money for Hamilton.  As long as that money comes through… I hope it does.  I need it to come in.

I weighed myself when I got home and I haven’t lost any more weight.  I’ve actually gained 0.6 lbs.  I’m not worried, that’s probably water retention.  I am a bit hungry today.  I’m sitting here and yes, I’m bored, but also I’m hungry.  I have the desire to get up and go to the kitchen and see what I can eat.  I think I’ll have some broth before I have to pick up my daughter and her friend to go to kickboxing class. 

 

Weight: 284.0

Total weight lost: 7.4 lbs

Side effects – none (headache probably from stress)

Cheating – none