Day 15, May 15

I spent most of today crying.  I know crying solves nothing, but sometimes you need to just sit back and feel sorry for yourself.  I finally found out that I’m getting paid on the 21st.  Not as much as I thought it would be, but I guess it’s better than nothing.  Still trying to figure out where the rest of my money is and supposedly someone is going to call me tomorrow in regards to the fact that they have no record of my disability claim and apparently my boss didn’t know who to give it to so he’s been sitting on it since March 3rd when I handed him my doctor’s note.  If there’s no record of my claim, that means that (historically) it’s going to probably take a couple months before they finish up my claim and start paying me.  Which means when I get paid on the 21st I can catch up with some things, but come the 4th when more bills are due I have no idea what I’ll do.  My landlords are mad at me because I haven’t paid them and owe a month and a half rent, my cable/internet provider is threatening to cut me off, my old cell phone company is calling my daughter’s phone for some reason looking for me (but they won’t call me even though I was the registered owner of the plan and even though Zoey tells them to call me) so I guess they don’t want their money that badly.  I owe everyone and their neighbours, I think.  It’s a horrible feeling. 

On top of feeling like shit (pardon the language) due to financial troubles, today I got a lovely message from my aunt telling me she is no longer able to pick me up from the hospital after my surgery.  I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and a dad and they all work, so I have no ride home.  My pre-op paperwork says that they won’t do surgery if there’s no one to take me home – which contradicts what the nutritionist said when he told us people drive themselves home sometimes.  I understand they want you to have someone to help carry things (since you can’t lift 10 lbs and up) and to help keep an eye on you, but they say you can drive 24 hours after surgery and release day is almost 48 hours after… so in theory I should be able to drive myself.  I’m hoping the fact that Sean will be home waiting for me will be enough that they won’t cancel my surgery and I’ll either drive myself or take a taxi ($115!) home.  My other aunt is in Edmonton right now but she’s trying to find a way to fly down to drive me which is sweet, but more expensive than taking a taxi. 

Part of the reason I’m so quick (and long) to cry is that I haven’t been taking my depression medication correctly these last few weeks.  Since I haven’t been paid, I haven’t been able to renew my prescriptions and so I’ve been skipping doses.  I know that’s a horrible thing to do and my doctor would have a conniption (sp?) if she found out but taking them every few days is better than not at all, right? Honestly I don’t know, but I also don’t know what else to do – I’ve tapped out all my borrowing options. 

I also have a confession to make… I cheated today.  I got gas money from my brother and had a little bit of change so I bought a pop.  I’m not supposed to have pop because of the carbonation and caffeine and empty calories.  Now it’s not all bad, I bought the sugar-free kind (which people argue is worse, but oh well) and it had 0 calories so I didn’t cheat TOO badly, but it wasn’t considered clear fluids so it is, in fact, a cheat. 

Sorry about being so negative, but I needed an outlet to vent.  I promise not all my blogs are going to be so full of ranting. 

Current weight: 281.2

Total lost so far: 10.2 lbs

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