I’m hungry. Actually, physically hungry. I desperately want a blueberry muffin. A nice, fresh one that goes gooey and sticks to the roof of your mouth… mmmm… Or maybe I want vegetable soup. A nice, hot bowl of Campbells vegetable soup. With crackers. Oooohh… crackers and peanut butter. Yum!
Today my mind is just churning with ideas of what I could eat. I sit here and think, why the heck not? What’s one day gonna do? No one would even know unless I told them… But then I look at the scale, I think about how my pants are falling down when I walk and I re-read Sean’s instant message that says, out of the blue, “I’m proud of you” and I’m able to ignore the hunger pains. I thought it was supposed to get easier, not harder?
I have one concern today. I know I was sick with a cold, and this is probably a side-effect of that, not the diet, but I can’t help but wonder… I still can’t smell (even though my nose is barely stuffy at all) and I can’t taste anything either. I’ve never had this happen before. Sure, for a day or two when you’re completely stuffed up with a cold you can’t taste much but I’m not stuffed any more. I find it handy for when Sean is eating, if I can’t smell his food I’m less likely to be jealous and if he’s out smoking and I go out with him I’m not craving a cigarette, but I’m still concerned. If it doesn’t stop (or start?) I’m talking about it with my doctor when I go in on the 15th.
Other than being hungry today is a pretty good day. The sun is shining and it’s a decent 15 degrees celcius, so not hot but by no means is it cold. Sean and I went to the mall and walked around. We didn’t see anything we really wanted except for Sean’s gummy bears and Fruit Loops cereal which we bought at Target. I like gummy bears, but I’m not obsessed with them or craving them so they’re safe. And I’m not a big cereal eater either, so his breakfast is safe. We also went to my exes wife’s store (well, she works there so it’s not hers… but you get my meaning) and looked at rings. She works at a pawn shop. We weren’t looking for engagement rings, so don’t get too excited.
Sean wants to buy me a commitment ring to show that he’s in this relationship fully and he acknowledges what a sacrifice I’m making by moving in with him in Guelph. I think it’s romantic. I really want a black diamond ring and we found one at a different jewellry store that we liked but Wendy says if I find one there I can have them swap out the stones for a small fee. I might do that because you get more ring for less money (I personally couldn’t care less that it is a previously enjoyed ring) but Sean thinks if you’re going to spend more money (the one I really liked was $299 plus the cost to size and swap out stones) you might as well get a new one (which was $399). I see his point. We’re looking at buying around Christmas time anyway, so there’ll be different rings at her store later.
So, despite thinking about food constantly (wouldn’t today be a great day for a bonfire with weiners and marshmallows??) I’m doing pretty good. I’m a bit tired, but that’s quite normal for me. Let’s get down to business…
Weight: 281.4 lbs (technically I lost a bunch of weight somehow, without consciously doing it, before the diet and I started off at 320 lbs, meaning I’ve lost 38.6 lbs since my last doctors’ weigh-in, but we’re starting with the number right before I went on Optifast)
Total weight lost with Optifast: 10 lbs!
Side effects – I forgot to mention this in previous posts, but “eating” a liquid diet gives you liquid BM’s. Just sayin’ I’m glad I can’t smell anything sometimes!
Cheating – none, but not for lack of wanting