Day 4 – May the 4th be with you

So I already wrote a post today, but somehow it got deleted. Boo 😦

Last night I went to see Sean at his place in Guelph. We went BBQ shopping, didn’t buy anything, but we picked one out we really like and plan to buy it soon. I didn’t cheat last night even though Sean was eating gellato and chips (not at the same time). I felt very self-aware as I was talking with him. I couldn’t sit with him at the table without wanting some, so I was on the couch facing him. I felt like a volture or something… like I was just staring at him. I tried really hard not to watch him eat but I was jealous, I can admit it. At this point it still isn’t a physical hunger I’m felling, but more of a mental hunger. Like I want to eat as opposed to needing to eat. I’m glad the shakes are working to keep me from being hungry like that because if my stomach was growling the whole time I think I’d be upset.

I was doing research on “the product” (Optifast) and found someone who had made it into a pudding-type thing. Basically you just add less water and whisk it until it is a cake batter consistency. I’ve eaten it this way a couple times now, and I enjoy it because you actually get to feel like you’re eating instead of drinking all the time. I look forward to trying it with the chocolate flavour. I’ve also eaten some chicken broth. After a few days on the shakes you realize how good broth actually is. I’ve never liked plain broth and found it too weak, but now its so flavourful! It’ll be interesting to experience tasting food again after the surgery when I’ve been sugar-free and low sodium for so many weeks. I am concerned, though, about after and what I can and can not eat. The guidelines I’ve read say I might never be able to tolerate pasta. PASTA. That’s my favourite food, so if I can’t tolerate it I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll probably cry.

Poor Sean, he’s gained 10 lbs and now weighs 130 lbs soaking wet and probably still needs to gain more to be healthy. Jerk. Our relationship up until now has had a large focus on food. We talk about it all the time – food we like, food we don’t like, etc. and we planned on going out to all these restaurants we’ve never been to. Now we’re going to have to wait to go, if we ever get to go. I’m hoping I’ll be able to tolerate most foods so we can go out to fancy restaurants. From what I’ve heard in the hospital waiting room everyone tolerates food differently so I can’t really even ask around.

Hmm… I don’t know what else to write about today. Sean has come home to my place and I feel badly clicking away over here while he’s over in the living room. I think I’ll go snuggle with him. He really is a great guy. So, before I go, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty… the details everyone is waiting to hear about…

Weight: 283.4 lbs
Side Effects: none
Feeling: Positive and good
Cheating – none (for 2 days now!)

Total weight lost so far: 8 lbs

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