So last night I wanted a pickle so very, very badly. I wanted this pickle for hours upon hours and I finally gave in at 10:30 PM. I scarfed that sucker down (with a piece of cheese) like it was going out of style and realized afterwards that because of my cold I honestly didn’t taste it at all. I broke my diet for nothing and felt really badly about it. So what does any sane person do? Well, I don’t know seeing as I’m not sane. But what I did was get another pickle and another piece of cheese and scarf those down, even though I couldn’t taste them, and then proceeded to make myself a cheese sandwich (which I also couldn’t taste) and then sit and think what a complete moron I was. This, folks, is a prime example of my disastrous relationship with food. It’s very messed up, but I’m determined this won’t happen again. I’m giving all the food that I crave to my daughter so I won’t be able to cheat again. At 11 PM last night (which anyone who knows me knows this is WAY past my bedtime) I took the pickles, cheese and juice out of the house. Fortunately I don’t have sweets and goodies in my house, so they’re not a temptation and the food was not all that bad for my daughter to have.
Today I woke up and weighed myself. I gained 2 lbs. How is that even possible?? From the little I ate, I shouldn’t have gained any weight. But I guess I just don’t know myself and my body as well as I thought I did. This makes sense, as anyone who knows their body well wouldn’t treat it like I’ve treated mine in the past. Good news is I seem to have a lot more support than I thought I did. I’ve got some Facebook friends that are really behind me and are helping with motivation. I’m posting my journey online so I can be held accountable and this seems to be working. Today I’ve woken up with a new determination to NOT cheat ever again. I’m scared though because yesterday I had a wicked evil headache and through research determined it was most probably caused by my Optifast diet and I don’t want to get it again (this research was pretty much confirmed when my headache almost instantly disappeared after I ate). But I guess it can be considered just desserts for what I did last night.
This afternoon my willpower is going to be tested when I go to Sean’s (my boyfriend) house. We make an odd pair. He weighs about 120 lbs soaking wet and his doctors want him to gain weight. So he eats sweets and goodies like crazy. He says he will tone it down for me, but I’m not sure he will be able to. And I’ve said that I have to live in the real world where people will be eating stuff in front of me that I won’t be able to have so I need to get used to seeing it. Which is true, I just hope it’s not as hard as I think it’s going to be.
So I think that’s enough for today. Its only 6:46 AM and I think I’m going to go back to bed.
Weight: 286.4 lbs
Total weight loss: 291.4 – 286.4 = 5 lbs